How to comfort a friend
For many people, witnessing the pain and anxiety of others is very painful, and we often want to resolve it quickly, take some action, or try to provide immediate relief.
Some people choose to say nothing to avoid saying the wrong thing, and miss the opportunity to express their concern.
When others need support or they ask for help themselves, they are often indifferent or out of bounds.
How to start a deep conversation “from the heart”, instead of just a superficial conversation that “brains the brain”?
How to integrate the body, mind, and spirit to make the most effective conversation in a natural posture?
Nancy, author of Therapy Dialogue?
Geer Martin provides ten principles of “dialogue of curative effect” on how to heal the gap in interpersonal communication and express his concern in a timely and appropriate manner.
The so-called “effect dialogue” refers to a conversation that compares the heart to the heart and puts people in the place, so that the helper can get a moderate relief, and the robe naturally achieves the “treatment effect”.
These ten principles are: Interpersonal communication comforts people-Listening Listening is not keeping silent, but listening carefully to what the other person said, did not say, and the real meaning.
The so-called listening should use our eyes, ears, and heart to listen to each other’s voice, and at the same time do not rush to know the cause and effect of the matter immediately.
We must be willing to set aside our “inner dialogue”.
The so-called “internal dialogue” refers to a dialogue that is not consciously carried out in the mind while listening, including thinking about what to say, how to respond to the other party’s words, or thinking about the next topic.
Interpersonal communication comforts people-pauses between conversations, sometimes speaking, sometimes listening; we must also remind ourselves to slow down the unconscious mechanical reaction, for example, if we want to quickly resolve the other person’s anxiety, we jump directly to the stage of action──Say or do something we think is good for the other party.
If there is no pause, we may say something that we will regret later.
The art of comfort lies in “speaking the right words at the right time” and “speaking the wrong things without being impulsive.”
Interpersonal communication comforts people-When friends are improper heroes and help others through difficult times, it is not the same as “saving” them from their painful situation.
We should agree with their pain, let them feel the pain, and do not try to dispel the pain quickly.
We only try to provide the axis that allows them to cross the “river of fear”.
When friends, family members are in emotional or physical pain, the most basic way to support them is to allow the other person to cry.
Crying is a way for the body to try to excrete emotional toxins, and tearing is a process for healing.
So please don’t rush to give the other person a facial tissue, just let him know that you support him.
Interpersonal Communication Comforts People-Giving comfort is not telling others: “You should feel .” or “You should not feel .” People have the right to keep their true feelings.
Consolation means: don’t judge them, don’t think that they are suffering and need help; consolation means: give them space to be themselves and agree with their feelings.
We do not need to express concern by “agreeing or disagreeing” with their choices or dealing with breakthroughs.
Interpersonal communication comforts empathy. When we are busy trying to help others, we may forget that someone will notice the change in our heart-thoughts and feelings that are not spoken.
Although people cannot know exactly what we think, we can usually detect whether we are panicked, judge them, or feel sorry for them.
Comforting others face to face has a lot to do with our true state of mind.
Because we feel the same for their experience, we share the pain of each other, but also endure our own suffering.
There is no doubt what the situation is, the appearance of goodwill and comfort is a gift to the other party.
Interpersonal communication is comforting-long-term waiting for change will bring a lot of chaos, and no one can quickly rectify that chaos.
People need time to adapt, adjust, change and ask, “What if .
In the “Effective Dialogue”, we learned to accept the fact that our family members, colleagues or neighbors sometimes only need us to be their “resonance box” and they can use it repeatedly.
Interpersonal communication is comforting-brave to stand up and never be in any situation, and be embarrassed by not knowing what to say; it’s no harm to let those we want to help know how we feel.
You can even honestly say: “I don’t know how you feel or what I should say, but I really care about you.
“Even if you think this expression is ridiculous, you can still let the other person know that you are not in a hurry to talk to him now.
You may choose to express your feelings and thoughts in writing.
In addition to verbal expressions, there are many different forms of “earnings dialogue”.
Interpersonal communication comforts people-providing practical resources does not need to help others find answers to all questions, but can try to provide available resources-other friends, experts, friends of friends, to help them find answers.
You can make a few calls for the other party to connect with them; you can also find relevant books for them to read; or simply provide a space for evasion so that they can continue to find their own answers in peace.
Interpersonal communication comforts people-set a place and take the initiative to help when we ask: “Is there any place I can help?
“Sometimes there are answers, sometimes they don’t know they need some kind of help.
However, sometimes people may not be able to speak for themselves.
Thinking about the assistance people might need is the first step to helping others effectively.
Interpersonal communication comforts people-make good use of empathy Even though we have encountered similar experiences, we can not fully understand the feelings of others, but we can make good use of empathy to care for each other.
Remember to listen patiently to other people’s stories first, then consider whether it is necessary to share your own stories, and whether the results shared are beneficial to the other party?